Dear D’Banj, Please Seek Something Else Other Than Music [MUST READ]


I thought we had passed this phase of
Dbanj’s career? Sizing up his phallus,
suggesting sexual machismo, endorsing
chauvinism and being a general nuisance? For all of his self-proclaimed virtues, we now
know Dbanj is incapable of making another
hit song. It’s like losing your wife and
realising all those years of “great sex” was
untrue, because the minute she left and you
hooked up with another woman, she tells you- without the advantage of love- that your
skills are lame. Dbanj has struggled. Oh dear! Every song- and
you can see that he lost sleep, sweated blood,
outdid himself and upped his braggadocio,
STILL a hit track has eluded him like sanity
eludes the streets of Lagos. The problem is not that he cannot save his
music, the problem is he IS trying to save it. Let it go, KOKO master. That thing,
unfortunately, is limp. Fortunately, there’s more to his brand than
music. Leave Olamide to thrill Lagos fans even
without opening his mouth, it is his time. You,
Dbanj, lost it when you lost it. It is time to reinvent the enigma that you are. You are Dbanj. For whatever reason, you will
continue to be relevant for as long as you
realise music is not where it is going to
happen. See what these small-small boyz are
doing to King MI, for instance, messing up his
palace with graffiti having more punch than his best lines. It is hard out here, bro. So take advantage of
what you have: You have the looks (at least women like what
they see), you have charisma, you have good
style, you know some of the biggest names
from oil to corporate Nigeria to politics, you
have dated their daughters. You have a
standing and clout in social crowds. Dear Dbanj, it is time to reinvent you. Enough
of these idiotic dance steps. It is time to become a media mogul, forget
one-one kobo songs, leave it to the talented.
Focus on your Koko phones, Koko garri, Koko
pure water- exporter/importer tinz. Get into fashion, get a Mai Atafo to build a
fashion label around your brand and get that
friend of yours- Kanye West to wear one of
your samples. Then send another one to that
other dude that keeps sending you gifts from
France. Send another to Big Sean. Use your networks well. What else? Start a proper music business. Get
two hot artistes and invest in their music. Let
them sing what you left inside Don Jazzy’s
mouth. Be the boss. Dbanj, it is time to be the Bawse! This has
been true for P.Diddy (aka Sean Puffy Combs) Can Diddy sing? No! Can he rap? Hell NO! Is he richer than many Americans and their
unborn kids? YES! YES!! YES!!! I might not be a fan, but I liked your shoes at
your first MTV Award event some years back.
That should count for something. So here’s wishing all the best. And hopefully, we do not see you in this state
of hopelessness, hoping to woo the crowd by
all means ever again.

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